“I don’t want to make my child do anything they don’t want to. ” I’ve heard this from parents when their child wants to quit martial arts, and I’ve felt it myself with my kids. As parents, we want to protect them from discomfort, but if we let quitting become the easy answer, they will never learn the value of understanding needs versus wants.
There are two potential schools of thought here. First, making your child do things they don’t want to can be challenging. A parent may have a childhood resentment because their parents forced them to do things, and it was an unpleasant experience.
Often, a more psychological approach is where the child should have a say to discover what they like and dislike untethered. Ask a child if they would like to learn focus, discipline, and confidence. Most would look at you without knowing what you are talking about.
Logically, children do not have the life experience and maturity to see the value of a need versus a want. If they had their way, most children would prefer an iPad and a bag of potato chips over most things that are genuinely good for them. As parents, that’s where it’s hard.
“Am I a bad parent if I make my kid do something they don’t want to? ” If it’s something they need to help them grow, then it’s good parenting. It’s the kind of parent committed to their children’s future.
I liken it to brushing your teeth, going to the doctor for a checkup, or attending school. I don’t question myself regarding these things for my kids because they are needs. I can only imagine the difficulties it would create for them if I did enforce these.
Beyond that, what activity constitutes itself as a need and not a want? For me, that need begins with a simple belief that if a child is not coachable or teachable, they are not employable. Their lives could be challenging if they cannot take direction, work with a team, or have the leadership qualities to lead if needed.
If they do, they would bring so much value to any learning institution they attend or company they work with. If they choose to start their own company, these skills are invaluable for success. I’ve trained in the martial arts my whole life.
First, when my father made it non-negotiable for me and my sisters as kids, it wasn’t a choice; it was a necessity. Over time, I came to understand why. The discipline, confidence, and respect shaped who I am.
Decades later, I’ve passed that same gift on to my own children, and I’ve witnessed it transform the lives of thousands of students in our schools over the past thirty years. My son and daughter were required to earn a black belt. Did they understand why when they began training at about four years old?
Of course not. It was often a struggle, like getting them to brush their teeth. My wife and I agreed they were welcome to stop martial arts once they earned their black belt.
WHY? We believe achieving this goal would give our kids the tools to succeed at anything they choose to do. The grit that comes with earning this rank in the martial arts and the long-term benefits are invaluable.
Parents don’t sign their kids up for soccer or swimming expecting the coach to teach life skills such as focus, discipline, or respect. But when it comes to martial arts, parents walk through our doors with a different expectation. They trust that beyond the kicks and punches, we will help their child build the life skills to shape who they are on and off the mat.
As martial arts instructors, One Martial Arts welcomes and honors this trust and responsibility. I created Kids Love Life Skills, a character development system used in martial arts schools worldwide, to help fulfill this. As a parent, I understand that no child is born with a given life skill.
The good news is that it can be taught, and through practice, it can become a habit and impact a child’s personal development and character. As a parent, this gives me confidence in my choices for my children’s growth. Today, they both have achieved their black belts.
They have since stopped training, choosing soccer and basketball to help them be their best. They both excel because of their martial arts training. They pursue excellence with a strong work ethic, perseverance, and grit.
Effective parenting is a constant balancing act. When do we push, when do we back off? We pick and choose our battles to be a good parent.
So, without being labeled a cliche baseball dad or soccer mom, my wife and I know no one loves our kids more than we do. We will push with conviction when needed, and it aligns with our family values. Lastly, I encourage parents to rephrase, “I don’t want to make my child do anything they don’t want to.
” Let’s give them the real-world tools martial arts provides and say, “I will make them do what they need to, to live their best lives. ”