A friend described that she sometimes feels like a potted plant in her relationship with her teenagers. I empathize with her as I live life with two of my own. I often feel abstract and distant from my son and daughter, at odds with myself and how to best relate to and support them today as teens.
When my children were small, everything felt so simple. I witnessed each year of their growth like a miracle. From their first step, I understood why I chose to be a parent and consider it my greatest purpose.
It feels like this chapter of the story is coming to an end. In a few more years, life will change dramatically when my grown children go to college and pursue their goals, dreams, and lives. It’s like they have one foot in the door and the other one out.
The clock is ticking, and today, they would rather spend time with their friends than with my wife and me. I get it, but the moments of disconnect and longing are real. From my entrepreneurial mindset, I question my return on this investment.
How do parents go from giving their lives each day to fulfilling their children’s every need to potentially being left with a handful of holidays and birthday visits once a year? I humbly share this because my personal growth depends on honoring my feelings. Right or wrong, they are mine and help define my role as a parent and in my relationship with my children.
The Yin to the Yang are the meaningful moments of connection my wife and I are blessed to experience with Brayden and Teya today. As we relate to them as young adults, we are in awe of the unique and confident individuals they are becoming. While their opinions, strengths, and convictions are theirs, we know it is also a direct result of our devotion and passion for being good parents.
My wife and I have made great sacrifices to give our children a better life than we had growing up. Our lives together then and now define the unconditional love we will always have for our kids. I listen to my teenagers more than I speak.
When I do, it is measured with acceptance and tolerance. Each word reminds me that while I am the parent, they are discovering their voice, which deserves to be heard. The challenge can be that as much as I want to celebrate their developing individuality, I still need to be a parent with the answers to keep them safe and feeling loved.
The truth is that they need to find the right ones for themselves more and more. Brayden and Teya need to make their own choices, good and bad, to learn the value of accountability and what comes with it. It can empower them with a true sense of self that helps them live fulfilling lives.
I share this with our parents at One Martial Arts, hoping to inspire you to cherish your relationship with your children even more. Time goes by quickly; soon enough, you will have teenagers and a different relationship than you do now. You may find a kinship with my experiences, and it may help you from feeling like a potted plant when that time comes.